i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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