The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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