Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
