I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
