i need an iv and a liver transplant
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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