Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize