You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
