i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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