So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
