hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
