If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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