I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
