Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
