the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
