What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
