i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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