Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
