just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
