i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
