I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
