I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He has the fingertips of a God
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
