My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
