Quick, to the slutcave!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
