Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
