Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
