I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
