allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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