she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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