My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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