your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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