wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
