his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
