he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
