why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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