Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
