stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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