Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're like the curious george of whores
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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