your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
