Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize