HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
