she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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