We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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