The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I deserve this hangover.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
