smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
