I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
