at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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