This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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