I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
