Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
