fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
