his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
