Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
