so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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