All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
