2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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