if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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