Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
