I want to walk on stilts...naked
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
