I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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