she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
