Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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