I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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