No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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