The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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