WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That accounts for only three of the penises
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
