remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I forget how to act sober
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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