We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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