call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
