i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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