this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i black out too much to be "responsible"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
